literature

Portal - 100 Themes - Cruel

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100 Theme challenge #14 - Cruel



"You leavin' for the night, Caroline?"

"Just straightening up some files, sir."  

She stood at the doorway of Cave Johnson's office, clutching in her perfectly-manicured hands the files of the ten most recent test subjects.  Bright red stamps on the sides of the beige folders read "Terminated."  It didn't mean they'd been fired.

"Sir, I'm a little concerned about this recent battery of tests.  I'm not sure a moat of acid is really the proper setting for the portal gun's demonstration."

"Well, what do you suggest?" the old man grunted, not bothering to turn and face her.  He kept his eyes glued to his computer, scrolling through pages of yellow-orange pixels.

She scowled at his tone.  Instantly shifting her mood, she smiled, sounding bright and cheery again.  "Well, I was thinking, we've been testing the gun for several decades now.  It seems the gun itself is completely stable and, if you don't mind my saying, sir, a huge success.  Don't you think it's time to patent this thing before Black Mesa comes up with the same technology?"

"Nawp," Johnson drawled, revealing a hint of Midwestern upbringing.  "Testin's gotta continue.  Still a couple bugs in the programming, s'far as I'm concerned."

Caroline's grip tightened on the folders.  "But those glitches are with the protocol AI designed to monitor the tests.  That has nothing to do with the tests themselves or even the portal device.  Sir."

Johnson gave an exasperated sigh, drumming his fingers impatiently on the desk.  "Caroline, when I want your opinion on somethin', I'll ask you for it.  Now, last I remember, you were hired to be my secretary, not a scientist."

A light pop sounded through the room as one of Caroline's artificial nails snapped off.  Her intense grip was tearing through the file folder.  She kept her voice sweet as candy, though her face was twisted sour.  "Yes, sir, Mr. Johnson."

She stormed back into her office, shoving the files into her desk.  She would deal with those dead idiots later.  For now, she had to get out of this office.

"'When I want your opinion, I'll ask for it'," she mocked bitterly.  "That idiot wouldn't know an idea if it stabbed him in the face.  I'm the one who keeps this pathetic excuse for a company running.  I covered up the astronaut's disappearance.  I wrote your stupid apology speech at the press conference, you disgusting sack of flesh."

She grabbed her coat from the rack, her narrow arms and graceful hands nearly tearing at it from the inside as she put it on.  "I manage the budget.  I research the prospective hires.  I interview all the test subjects.  Who formulates data?  Me.  Who heads the committee for test design?  Me.  I have a God-damn doctorate in physics.  But no.  I have to be your secretary.  I swear, I will not allow your stupidity to drive my hard work into the ground!"

Slapping on a floppy winter hat, she reached for her gloves and scarf.  "I can't wait until you die, old man.  Then I'll run this company, and you can bet your broke, sorry ass we will not be second to Black Mesa any longer."

A barrage of pained coughs came from Cave's office.  Her frown deepened as she glared at his door.  How much would it take for him to keel over and snuff it?  He already had one foot in the grave as it was.

She paused, looking at the blue crocheted scarf in her hands.  Perhaps the other foot just needed a little nudge.

"Caroline?" he called out between coughs.  "You still here?"

Her brows knit as she began wrapping one end of the scarf around her left hand.  Brightly, still keeping the facade, she called back, "Did you need something, Mr. Johnson?"

Another flurry of violent coughs.  She wrapped the other end of the scarf around her right hand and pulled it taut.

"Can you -cough- bring me my pain pills?"

"Coming, Mr. Johnson."

She would not allow this idiot to ruin her company.
...oops. Sorry, CarolineXCave fans! It's not that i don't think they have the potential to be a cute couple, it's just that...i'm a dark and disturbed person sometimes.

Last one tonight, i promise...

The list: [link]

Previous: [link]
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EDIT: wow, so many more faves than my other stories! Who knew there was so much hate? Also, when Caroline grimaces, i imagine her looking like Helen from TF2
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Comments23
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Drey-Wilkins's avatar
:star::star::star::star: Overall
:star::star::star::star-half::star-empty: Vision
:star::star::star::star::star-half: Originality
:star::star::star::star::star: Technique
:star::star::star::star-half::star-empty: Impact

Well then, My first Critique... I predict a flop, but I suppose we'll find out...

First and foremost, I feel that the story - while going against the established cannon that Cave and Caroline apparently have a close and friendly relationship - Does properly highlight the real social issue of the time period, which I assume to be the 80's, where Women have most or all rights, but there are multiple old fashioned men like Cave not ready to accept that. (Even though I am fairly sure that Women gained equality in the 60's-70's. I should take a moment to state that I do not know the exact timeline of Women's Rights in the U.S.,

The relationship between the two in this piece is actually very interesting. Rather than the idyllic friendly side shown to those running the tests, it is actually very oppressive, with Cave treating Caroline like a common Employee, while Caroline herself seems to constantly be on the breaking point, waiting for the day that Cave dies and she inherits the company.

Caroline is seen as on the verge of succumbing to murderous urges upon being treated badly by Cave. An Idea I find fascinating. If one were to imagine this as part of the Portal Cannon, then it would be fully possible that Cave did not die of his poisoning, or that maybe he could have recovered if not for some certain 'pain pills' being fed to him.

To say the least, this story has quite a lot of vision, and lots of elbow room for expansion, earning it a Vision rating of 3.5 Stars.

Moving to originality, I have never seen anyone but Jenovaii approach the Cave-Caroline relationship with such brash grittiness, nor have I seen anyone else portray Caroline as such a cold blooded business woman. the score: 4.5 Stars.

The technique, like all works from Jenovaii, is flawless. I have never found fault with his writing style, and cannot now. He approaches with a solid style of story telling, in singe-character 3rd-Person. I would say more, but I cannot think of individual points, only the overall flawlessness of the entire approach. By all means, there may be faults that I have not picked up on, as I do not claim to be the best writer either, but from my view, I can only award 5 Stars.

And finally: Impact. Upon reading the story, I found myself reasonably taken aback with the whole idea, and concept. Not in the bad way, but at the sheer difference of this Caroline and Cave to the ones I know was quite shocking. They seemed more real, more interesting, and more fun to read about.
The impact was actually quite large. Not so much as other works I have read, (Which I unfortunately cannot think of at the moment) but still substantial. 3.5 Stars.

(Please excuse any mistakes in this Critique. It is getting late-ish)